Profile on....Glasgow Warriors

GLASGOW SEE POSITIVE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT

Showing typical perception, new Glasgow Head coach Sean Leakingline defiantly announced that the only way is up after Glasgow finished bottom of the heap in last year’s league.

He welcomed the team’s return to Hughenden (previous coach Hugh Campbell lost his job after leaking to the press that the players called it their Coliseum – because it was a f**king ruin). “We know that the blueprint for success for Scottish teams has been signposted by our cousins across the Irish Sea, so I was very pleased that as we try to emulate Munster and the like, we’re back on a pitch only fit to plough and plant potatoes”

Glasgow have had a problem with attracting the crowds recently, and Sean wants to appeal to a new audience, particular younger supporters – girls even. Hence his bold step in signing former boyband singer Thom Evans to add to the pretty boy backline.

The area of the team that really needed fixing was up front, and Sean lost no time in landing his biggest catch – in more ways than one – Justin Va’a. Sean didn’t realise that the 21 stone prop had already played for Samoa, because Sean had a Scots granny from Stornoway lined up for him. Sean strenuously denied that he only discovered his own granny from there after the records office on the island was destroyed by fire.

Glasgow showed that they were in good hands on the first night of the season, racing to a 20 point lead in as many minutes against an under strength Dragons side, and then spending the next 60 throwing it away.

This left Glasgow fans (there are still a few) asking “Why?”

Are we so pish?
Do we continuously under-achieve?
Do what’s left of us bother coming back?
Would anyone be interested in buying this outfit?

This year’s tips

Avoid betting on them when Dan Parks is playing
Only bet on them when it is against all the odds that they will win (see above rule also)



UPDATE: Glasgow beat Cousin Feckers by 24-13